The Nightmare of Milky Joe

Milkyjoe Directed by  Paul King
Written by    Julian Barratt
                       Noel Fielding
Air Date         30 August 2005

Series Two Episodes:

  1. Call of the Yeti
  2. The Priest and the Beast
  3. Nanageddon
  4. Fountain of Youth
  5. The Legend of Old Gregg
  6. The Nightmare of Milky Joe

All episodes: 123

Howard Moon: "Who cuts people's hair in the middle of the night?"
Vince Noir: "I do. They call me the midnight barber."
―Vince and Howard arguing whilst on the island

The Nightmare of Milky Joe is the sixth and final episode of Series Two.


After becoming marooned on a desert island, Howard sees an opportunity to nurture his poetry and Vince takes to making bamboo fashion lines. However, with no-one to talk to but each other and nothing to eat but rancid coconuts, they soon find themselves in the midst of a coco-nightmare.

Songs featuredEdit

  • "Isolation" – performed by Howard
  • "Isolation" – performed by Milky Joe and the Coconuts

Minor characters featuredEdit

Milky JoeEdit

Howard creates Milky Joe (in previous productions, Milky Jono) -- a coconut on a stick -- whilst stranded on a desert island, to avoid boredom (a parodic reference to Tom Hanks' film Castaway which involves the making of an imaginary friend from a volleyball). As time progresses he becomes more real to Howard and Vince, until eventually he takes on a life of his own.

Milky Joe is French and has intellectual discussions with Howard and delivers lectures on geology - as well as frequently talking about Sartre. In an attempt to equal Vince's coconut girlfriend Ruby, he dressed Joe as a girl, named Jemima. When this ploy fails, Howard says to Joe, "Well that was a great idea- I thought you were supposed to be an intellectual". Howard eventually tires of Milky Joe's conversation, declaring "the man's an arse". Later Milky Joe testifies against Howard and Vince in a coconut court, after the murder of Howard’s abusive coconut lover, Precious Lilywhite (a reference to Albert Camus's L'Etranger, which Howard discussed with Milky Joe earlier (Howard argues for Camus's superiority over Sartre)). Vince's response to this is to call him a "garlic twit". He finally appears on the 'Pie Face Showcase' with his band, 'The Coconuts' who are introduced by Bob Fossil. Milky Joe's band steals Howard's "Isolation" song, and they apparently have a big hit with it.

Ruby and PreciousEdit

Ruby and Precious are also coconuts on sticks whom Howard and Vince fall in love with. Both are created by Vince as a response to Howard's invention of Milky Joe. Precious was created with the impression of joining Vince and Ruby in their open relationship but Howard persuades Vince so Ruby becomes Vince's girlfriend, and Precious Howard's. Precious, however, becomes overbearing and violent, ordering Howard to stay inside and put up shelves. Howard soon kills her by accident, but is still charged with murder.

Breakfast BobEdit

A desert island-dwelling man who wears exactly the same clothes as Vince and has the same hairstyle, but whose face is composed of sausages and eggs. When Vince and Howard are starving, Vince suggests eating Breakfast Bob, but Breakfast Bob panics and runs away before they can catch him. Breakfast Bob's voice was provided by Noel Fielding, using a variation on his Moon voice. His appearance is a parody of the long-standing comic device whereby a starving character will hallucinate that their companion is turning into food.

The CaptainEdit

Played by Rich Fulcher, the captain finds Howard and Vince on the island in a stupor after eating rancid coconuts. This explains the Milky Joe sequence. He tells them another boat is waiting to take them off the island, and discusses hair with Vince.


  • The episode contains elements of the 2000 short film Sweet (which Fielding and Barratt wrote and starred in), such as the idea of Noel's character having an imaginary girlfriend, and Julian's character being jealous.
  • The music used during Howard's monolgue with Milky Joe is taken from the Australian movie The Castle. Howard also quotes a line from the movie during the monologue ("It's not where you are in the world. It's the company you keep.")

External linksEdit

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