Fountain of Youth

Zealots Directed by  Paul King
Written by    Julian Barratt
                       Noel Fielding
Air Date         16 August 2005

Series Two Episodes:

  1. Call of the Yeti
  2. The Priest and the Beast
  3. Nanageddon
  4. Fountain of Youth
  5. The Legend of Old Gregg
  6. The Nightmare of Milky Joe

All episodes: 123

"Shootin' star. Look at you. Shootin' star. You're a beautiful ball of light. Shootin' star. Get out the way! You're all in my per-per-perifernal vision! You're all over the place like a bluebottle! I'm the moon."
The Moon

Fountain of Youth is the fourth episode of Series Two.


After a bad gig, Howard blames himself on being old and past it, so he and Vince use Naboo's magical amulet to transport themselves to the Fountain of Youth on Naboo's home planet, Xooberon, where they hope to turn back the clock. However, to get there they must first go through the Desert of Nightmares where they encounter a rebel army, Sandstorm (a beast made of sandpaper,that is incapable of love,even self-love), and an old enemy.

Songs featuredEdit

  • "The Chosen One" – performed by the Tribespeople.
  • "The Soup Song" – a crimp performed by Vince and Howard, which was originally going to be featured in "Bollo", but was cut for time reasons.
  • "The Chosen One (Reprise)" - performed over the end credits.

Minor characters featuredEdit

The KingEdit

The King (Nicholas Burns) rules over the planet Xooberon, and accidentally entrusts Naboo with a sacred amulet that operates the Fountain Of Youth. The true hero, a warrior named Banoo, arrives only seconds later to find Naboo and the amulet have gone to planet earth. He has a penchant for folk music and vegan food, and has fantastic hair. He always introduces himself by taking off his outermost robe and announcing, 'It is I... the King!'


Sandstorm (Julian Barratt) is a fidgety, impatient humanoid creature made entirely out of sandpaper with an electric sander on each hand. He wreaks havoc upon the planet Xooberon, though it emerges that this is only because he is frustrated as his coarse, rough hands mean he cannot love another or even masturbate. Vince solves his problem by giving him his gloves, after which Sandstorm immediately and furiously begins making up for a lot of lost time (He apparently considers furniture catalogues pornography). Sandstorm is so grateful for Vince's kindness he pledges to help Vince out whenever needed, and later on Vince calls for Sandstorm's protection against one of the Hitcher's minions, the aptly named Evil Tree (Rich Fulcher). Sandstorm's high-pitched voice and fidgety manner are rather similar to Mr. Susan, also played by Barratt.


(Ramon Tikaram) Banoo is a warrior who is willing to do anything for his King. Banoo comes from the planet Xooberon and he always seems to appear at the wrong time. Banoo appears twice in the episode (at the start and the end). He was originally supposed to go to planet earth but the king got Naboo and Banoo's names mixed up. On his last appearance the King asks him if he has "ever ventured into buying a watch." Banoo asks what the time is, the King tells him it's four o'clock, and Banoo replies that he "needs to pick up the kids."

The Xooberon TribeEdit

This unnamed tribe is led by a short, big-headed, belligerent fellow (Fulcher) and when Vince shows up with the amulet, they proclaim him "the chosen one" and spend their nights singing his praises. (Howard is not so lucky, and becomes Vince's slave.) All the tribespeople have blue skin. The tribe leader falls in love with Vince, and asks him for an autograph made out to his 'wife', Alan, which is a repeat of the joke in Call of the Yeti. When he thinks he has offended Vince, he cuts off his own hand. Nonetheless, after Howard steals the amulet and it falls into the clutches of the Hitcher, the tribe turns on our heroes and leaves them to die a horrible death in the desert sun. Prior to this,Vince had applied his factor 3000 sunblock (tested on Albinos and Goths),whilst Howard winds up so badly burned that his hair is smoking by the time he and Vince are rescued.


  • Zantar - The thug who serves up a beating to Howard Moon, for making fun of the tribe leader's height and enormous head.
  • Peppo - Peppo is the greatest artist the Xooberon Tribe's race has ever produced. He paints a portrait of Vince, who points out that despite how good it is, the fringe is a bit short. Rather than repaint the fringe, Peppo kills himself out of shame.
  • Evil Tree - (Fulcher) Evil Tree has a showdown with Sandstorm. He unsuccessfully tries to confuse Sandstorm by pointing out that they are the same, as paper is made from wood.


  • Due to the pallor of his skin,and his use of factor 3000 sunblock,Vince has earned the Shoreditch Vampire nickname for himself.

External linksEdit

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